


Linger

by inkstrain (orphan_account)



Category: Alice Nine
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 13:20:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3121676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/inkstrain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tora likes Saga's pain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Linger

It is morning again, and morn finds itself covered in mist, the rain rapping against curtain-covered frosted glass, dimming the distant hum of a city that is once again, coming back to life after long hours of darkness and slumber. It is the start of another day: droning car engines stuck in rush hour traffic, clattering trains filling up with too many passengers, far-flung voices saying _goodbye, hello_ as they leave and arrive in various destinations. Distant yet there, but still much too far away to register, being that all of them are meaningless noise with his heart beat _so close_ , steady thuds echoing in the silence of a warm, cozy apartment that belongs to them only at night, in secret.

Although awake, his eyes are still closed, reluctant to leave the land of the unconscious as he fights to reclaim stolen sleep. Reality is a place too painful and harsh to return to, and it is during the day, when he has to open his eyes and start it with everybody else, that he feels the cruelty of living outside a dream. And this dream, the night before ( _like so many other nights long gone_ ), is still fresh in his head, and he drowns himself in last night’s events, dying a little bit more inside as he realizes, although he has always known, that they can never be more than _just_ friends.

 _“I promised myself…” Saga swallows and hesitates, watches the glaring eyes that are boring into his acquire a familiar darker shade as he sits on the couch across from him: him is Tora, an image of a wild animal waiting to pounce on willing prey. He almost decides not to continue his sentence, but the older man’s strong voice brutally slices through the tense atmosphere, making him wince internally._

 _ _ _“Promised yourself what?”___

 _

_He swallows again, this time loudly, before turning away and looking down at his feet. “I promised myself that what happened between us the last time won’t ever happen again.” He blurts out in his subdued, gentle voice. And he has the grace to blush at the mention, remembering vividly that moment he just pertained to like so many others similar to it with amazing clarity, as though it has been embedded on his very soul._

_

_There is a soft chuckle in reply to his words, and it is surprisingly genuine, devoid of Tora’s usual sarcasm. He looks up, finds a rare sparkle of humor in the tiger’s brown, green-speckled eyes that causes Saga’s entire world to completely spin off its axis. “I’ve heard that before,” he hears Tora say to himself, before the same gaze is upon him once more, less intense than earlier but still intense nonetheless. “I wonder if the only reason why you keep saying that is because it’s become a habit.”_

_He shakes his head slightly. “I mean it this time, Tora.” He says with no conviction, and again another chuckle spills from Tora’s perfect mouth at his words, making his knees weaken that should Saga try to stand, he would probably collapse back onto the couch._

_“I’ve heard that before too.”_

_Saga turns away and bites his lower lip to keep himself from saying anything more, but only because it is futile to be repeating such empty words. They both know he says these things but only means them half heartedly – but he feels the need to say this aloud, hopes that when he does Tora will actually believe him. The tiger never does though, because he knows how much Saga has fallen into this bottomless pit of disguised love._

_Silence falls hard and thick between them that it actually hurts his ears, and when Saga finally looks up, it is to find Tora standing up to move a little bit closer. He stiffens, entire body going tense, but the slightest touch on his arm leaves him relaxing into the arms of a man who has done nothing but give him pain, over and over and over._

_Tora sits close, too close, and gathers Saga’s smaller frame into his arms. “If you promised yourself that,” Saga listens to him begin, closing his eyes as the other’s lips find a spot beside his ear, breath warm and sweet against his skin. He is only vaguely aware of his surroundings now, lost in the depths of falling all over again, and always for the same person. “Then why did you come with me here?”_

_Saga turns his head slightly but does not open his eyes as he partly faces Tora. “Because I want to be with you.” He answers, and this time wholeheartedly. And then he feels those familiar lips on his own: gentle and slow, as though each kiss will always be a first._

_“And this is it,” Tora whispers, pulling him closer, fingers unbuttoning his shirt one after another, without his consent. And Saga lets him. “This is being with me.”_

_He still has his eyes closed, trapped in spur of the moment euphoria that never lasts until after he has allowed himself to be used, and shakes his head. “You know that’s not what I mean. This isn’t want I want.”_

_When he opens his eyes, his shirt has been discarded on the floor and he finds himself lying awkwardly on the couch, underneath Tora. Always submitting to the tiger’s will. How very foolish._

_Tora pulls away for just a moment, pressing his lips on Saga’s forehead._

_“But Saga,” his lips move to the tip of his nose, before reclaiming his mouth. “This is all I can give.”_

“Saga.”

His wonderland falls apart, and his chest constricts when he hears _his_ voice that is still husky from sleep. He does not open his eyes, but they are both aware he is awake, and it is at this moment, always, that he feels the bile rising in his throat and the cold numbing out his limbs.

This is wrong, but he wants this. This shouldn’t be happening, but he wants this. But the only reason why he wants this is because _he wants him._

“Saga.”

The voice is more insistent, but he does not move, feigns sleep, and breathes evenly. A warm hand finds his face, calloused fingers caressing his cheeks, and then Tora finally says more than his name. 

“Saga, I’m sorry.” 

Saga’s breathing accelerates, and he finally opens his eyes to look up at the only man he has ever wanted like this. And it takes so much effort to speak, but he manages. “Don’t.” he chokes out, turning his back on Tora and facing the wall. He finds himself gasping for lost breath, pushing back the liquid warmth pooling in his eyes because it's always the same.

_Fuck me tonight, apologize in the morning._

“Saga…”

He closes his eyes, tries to tune everything out, but Tora embraces him from behind and makes his presence so painfully known, causing him to open his eyes again. He tries to shrug away, but in his fragile state, it is as useless as moving an office building to a new location with his bare hands. “Saga please…” 

“Just don’t Tora.” He says, voice thick, a tear finally escaping one eye – more of them following a few seconds later. He closes his eyes again, this time in an effort to make the tears stop, but they won’t. They probably never will, not anymore. Not until he decides to stop being so stupid for Tora. “Haven’t you hurt me enough? Don’t apologize as if each time was a mistake and you didn’t mean it.”

The arms around him tighten, before he is being forced to turn around. He doesn’t fight. What’s the use, anyway? Saga will always bend to Tora’s will, just the way things have always been.

“I like your pain,” Tora whispers, lips gentle and soft on Saga’s damp cheeks, fingers and mouth chasing his tears away. “And that’s because if you hurt when I inflict you pain, then you are mine.”

He opens his eyes and through his teary haze, he looks at Tora. “I’m yours, yes." he answers softly, dejectedly. Tears in the early morn, what a nice way to begin one’s day. He sniffs, trying to speak through a clogged nose. “I will be, for a very long time.” Sucking in a breath, he closes his eyes as he continues. “What else could you possibly want from me?”

Tora’s lips find his, gentle but demanding. “I want you to stay, _always._ ” Tora whispers, closing the miniscule gap between them underneath pristine bed sheets. “I own you.” 

And at these words, Saga’s heart does not shatter into a million pieces, but not because he has learned to accept things as they are.

It's because nothing’s there to break anymore.

In between heated kisses, moans, curses, Saga submits like he always does. “I’ll always stay.” He whispers, too far gone to notice much else. And although he does not acknowledge Tora’s last statement, he knows and so does the tiger, that it's true. That Tora, without meaning to, has claimed Saga as completely his.

And so they plummet into another version of the night before ( _like so many other nights long gone_ ), and Saga drowns himself in guilt this time, dying a little bit more inside as he realizes, although he has always known, _that no._

He and Tora, they can never _ever_ be more than just friends.


End file.
